Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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