I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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