I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
