Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
