My first STD was from a foam party
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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