Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
