I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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