apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
