I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
