everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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