i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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