Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need a beard to bite.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
