yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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