Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
