We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
