matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
