the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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