Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
