i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
