I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i think im in europe. pls send help
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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