So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
