opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
