You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
