Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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