My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
