she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
