so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
