Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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