he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
