Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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