my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
