what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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