Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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