I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
