My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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