You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
