i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize