I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
