I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
