her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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