i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
