somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
