Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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