I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
