those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I intend to get homeless drunk
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
