All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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