Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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