dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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