Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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