i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
