We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
