I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
