I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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