I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
