umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
