At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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