we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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