is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
