I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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