its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
