you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
