I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I will be naked everywhere
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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