apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
