i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
