how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
