i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
