I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm bleeding and have questions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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