her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
