I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
