I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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