So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
