I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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